BMC Week 5 - BLACKHOLE

Hi everyone,

When I started this blog, I promised I was always going to be truthful, even if that meant telling you I had drunk a bottle of wine, not bothered with my training or ate enough crisps and chocolate to feed a small country.  So I apologise now as today's entry is some what dark and miserable.


So you will remember at the end of last week I wasn't feeling very well, it didn't get any better, I went back to work, and got stuck in, excited to show everyone the magazine but with the congratulations came the questions - 'how is the training going' to which I could only reply 'It isn't'.

I didn't do anything Monday or Tuesday, but decided to try a short run on the treadmill on Wednesday.  But just as before I was dripping before I had finished my 10 minute warm up walk, and only managed 10 min run, 2 min walk, 10 min run 2 minute walk 1m in run 5 min walk.  4.58k.

I didn't do anything Thursday and was feeling really down at this point.  I know I cant help being ill, but this is how it seems to go for me, whenever I feel like I am getting somewhere something happens to stop me and I am straight back to square one!

So I was looking forward to meeting up with everyone on the Friday.  I had a really rough night Thursday, my throat became really swollen and painful so I was spraying it with antiseptic spray.  I still managed to get up early and make the horrible journey into London and across on the underground to Victoria.

I met with Alison again at Victoria station and we finished the journey to Battersea together.  Richard our coach was already there and we got changed and ready to find out what the day entailed.

Richard said he wanted a one on one chat with us all to see how our training was going, which was great as it meant that whilst one of us was talking to him the rest of the girls had a good catch up.  We discussed what we had been doing and what we were going to do.  But the best part was hearing about a half marathon which included wine and cheese and chocolate stations.  We have all said it would be great to meet up next year and do it for fun!

When I had my one on one with Richard he told me that I should not worry about not running but use the time to do plenty of Strength and Conditioning work.  He said I would be surprised at the impact it would have on my running when I was well enough to return if I spent all of my time focussing on strengthening my muscles.

We were then meant to go to the track for an intervals session but the heavens opened so we stayed at the gym.  Whilst Richard made the other girls work it hard on the treadmill I wasn't allowed.  :(

I did 10 minutes on the cross trainer and then 20 minutes on the treadmill, doing 2/2 walk/light jog.

Richard then showed us through some stretches before dismissing us for showers.

There was a sauna in the changing room and I decided to make full use of it, hoping it would clear my cold out.  It was so nice, I felt so relaxed and could easily have fell asleep.  Then had a lovely shower before heading off for a spot of lunch with Liz (Women's Running Editor). 

Then it was time to go to Asics' flagship store in Oxford street.  I had my gait analysis and was shocked to find out I should wear size 8 Asics for running.  (My shoe size is 6-6.5)  I was told that the GT2000/Gel Kayano were the trainers that suited my foot type best.

After this I got to go downstairs and look at all of the trainers and clothes.  Michael had joined us and wanted to know our preferences for kit and sizes. 

Although very tiring it was a very enjoyable day.  Unfortunately since then I have been bad, I had a glass of red wine on Friday night, and 3/4 bottle of white wine on Saturday night.  I am finding it really hard being ill and not being able to train and I am letting it get me down.

Which brings us to today, which has been the hardest day all week.  Today is the 3rd anniversary of my father's death.  Anyone that knows me knows that we never got on, I always felt like he never approved of anything I did or said.  I spent half of my life trying to get him to tell me he was proud of me, and the other half hating him.  When I found out he was very ill with cancer and had gone into a hospice I battled whether to go and see him or not, but thankfully I went. 

We had a moment and for once I made him smile.  I finally felt that he wanted me there and that he loved me.  It felt amazing, but only confused me and left me feeling unable to grieve when a few days later he sadly passed away.  I didn't feel like I had a right to be sad, and I battled with my guilt, but as each anniversary comes to pass I feel the loss.  I have realised that we may not have got on, but I did love him so much, and I am so sad that I never got to tell him that. 

I have been on my own most of today and although I have made an effort to do as Richard tells me, by doing over an hour of strength and conditioning work, which included Pilates, exercise ball, dumb bells and Richard's own Thera Band workout.  I have also had a good cry more than once.

I know that the cold is definitely working its way down to my chest, so the chances are S&C work is the way forward for at least the next week. But I hope to be more positive and come back with something better for you all to read.

On a last.... and actually brighter note, I am now 15 stone exactly and get into a pair of size 16 jeans.  That's 6lb loss and a whole dress size in just 5 weeks!
FBB
xx